Response – Ability

Response – Ability is our ability to respond (or not to respond) to any situation that can dramatically affect our happiness.

Happy people have a the natural ability to create meaning out of events that support their well-being.  Unhappy people don’t.  If you put a happy person in a traffic jam, she responds by putting another motivational audio recording on and is thankful for the extra opportunity to learn.  An unhappy person is yelling at the guy that has 4 car lengths between him and the car in front of him.  An unhappy person is responding to the event in a way that continues their unhappiness.

In each and every event in our lives, we have the choice on how we respond.  Sometimes stuff happens that we cannot control at all; layoffs, deaths, disease, accidents, other people’s stuff, etc.  But we do have the ability on how we respond and what meaning we assign to these events.  Is a layoff bad or good?  There are many people that get laid off and look back on that experience a year later and say, “Thank God that happened!”  Why?  Because often the person is in a better place.  It’s that Universal Support stuff happening in the background.   Is disease good or bad?  If a disease makes a person start paying attention to themselves and their health and transforms their life in so many ways, then who is going to say it’s a bad thing?  If the disease leads to apologies, reconciliations, and forgiveness, are those things bad?  It’s how we respond.  We can be the victim to the events in our lives or we can be a victor.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish bad stuff to happen to anyone.  I do know that when bad stuff happens, it’s often the wake-up call a person needs to get healthy, get out of a bad marriage, find their purpose and make a living out of doing what they love, or straightening out their relationship with money.  For some people, it takes a significant event like these to rattle their beliefs and motivate them to take action.

We also have the ability not to respond.  We have the ability to ignore a nasty comment.  We have the ability not to respond to other people’s dramas and problems.  We have the ability not to respond to marketing tactics, sensationalism in the news, and the spread of passive aggression on social media.  I call it “Other People’s Stuff (OPS).”  I don’t need to get involved in OPS.  I don’t need to respond to OPS.  I don’t need to fall victim to OPS.

“You look like you’ve gained a lot of weight.”

Other people’s stuff!

“If you’re suffering from sleepless nights, lack of motivation, withdraw from family or friends, ask your doctor about…”

Other people’s stuff!

“You’ll feel more confident when you buy…”

Other people’s stuff!

“Don’t you worry about your child’s behaviour?”

Other people’s stuff!

It doesn’t mean we can’t support our friends or causes that are close to our hearts.  But we don’t have to support EVERY cause and we don’t have to wallow in the drama even if our friend wants to.  It’s their stuff.  He can talk about his stuff and you can listen and empathise but you don’t have to take it on board and make it your life mission to help this person through their stuff!

This week, notice how you’re responding to situations.  When do you need to change your response?  When do you need to stop responding completely?  Just notice.  As you bring awareness, you can start changing your response-ability slowly.

To your improving happiness,

Lindley